Random thoughts that I need to ponder more on or pray through over the coming days, weeks, and months:
- I do not necessarily have the time that it is going to take to develop my photography and my business the way that I want to. Having 4 children under the age of 4 is an all-consuming job. And I've realized that lately my mothering has taken a hit - not because of photogrpahy but because of life. Mothering is supposed to be my number one, top priority and if that comes in the way of my photography and moving things forward the way *I* want to, then so-be-it. That's how it SHOULD be.
- On the same thought train - I need to work while I mother, not mother while I work. And yes, there is a HUGE difference - one that I have noticed has seeped into my daily life. I'm not ok with that and I need to nip it in the bud.
- Also along that same thought train, I do not have the time I need to learn the new crafts that I so desire to learn like knitting and sewing. I can learn more about knitting but it's just going to be more slow-going than I hoped. For example - I had hoped to have 4 matching winter hats knit for my children two months ago ... and I haven't even started them! It's ok if I'm not a great knitter this year or even next - I just hope to be able to do it with my girls within the next few years. And the sewing ... who knows if we'll ever accomplish that.
- While it will always be my goal to honor the Lord and be a Proverbs 31 woman I need to be much more realistic with my goals, ambitions, and expectations! I am not going to be able to knit and sew (therefore clothing my family) or get my photography business up and running with huge success (taking a field and turning a profit) or live every day with a smile on my face (laughing at what's to come) in ONE day. It's going to take TIME. Much more time. And I need to be ok with that, because God is ok with that.
- I spend far too much time on the computer and in front of the TV. Which affects my effectiveness in the above areas. I find myself sitting in front of the computer when room time/blanket time/table time roll around instead of accomplishing things I should be accomplishing - laundry, dishes, dinner prep, Bible time, character training, etc. While I have more recently tapped the internet for it's knowledge on cloth diapering, healthier eating, and delaying vaccinations, I have been known to spend more time surfing Etsy, ebay, and Facebook. The same is true for nap time.
In fact, here I sit, typing this while I have 3 loads of laundry that need to be folded and put away and another load that needs to go into the wash and another into the dryer. My kitchen could stand to be picked up and wiped down and my house could use some organizing. Seriously!
But, I praise God for my husband - who is helpful and doesn't care if all the dishes are done or dinner's on the table at precisely 6pm and I praise God that He knows me, my heart, and my intentions. He knows my struggles and better yet, He UNDERSTANDS my struggles! He can look at me in my hard moments when all I have to give Him is a 2x2 section of "clean" floor in my living room and rejoice that I'm striving to serve Him - and that makes it all worth it!