Mothering Moments: "I wanta be a friends mama"

Those were the words thrown out by my 3 year old this morning after I somewhat harshly told him to stop jumping on me while I vacuumed. 

Eluwhoo was busy doing dishes, Gman was busy picking up books, and Cbelle was ... hmmm, playing in her room? 

Wyatt was without a job and therefore, wanted to "play" with me while I finished the vacuuming. 

I'm thrusting the dirt eater around the living room and every 5 seconds there's this 32lb stringy beast landing on my legs and clinging to my waist. 

Child, off! 

Is what I'm thinking. 

I said a few:

Superwy, no.

Superwy, stop. 

No, son. 

So then there was: 

SON! Stop jumping on me! 

Tears. 

Sadness. 

A boy, sucking his thumb on the stairs, cuddling his blanket. 

A few minutes pass and I hear:

"Mama, I wanta huuuug.

I wanta be a friends mama."

I actually laugh when I hear him.
I responded with, 

"We are friends, son."

And then I'm sad. 

I realize there are a couple things in what my little superman said. 

The first is that our children want our friendship and they will push us to give it to them. If we give in and give them friendship without parenting, it will be to their detriment. 

I am not called to be my child's friend, I am called to be his mother. 

A mother first, always. 

So many parents now seem to think that they can be their child's best friend and focus on that relationship more than the relationship of the parent to child. 

We are our children's parents for a reason.
God designed the family system for a reason and with a purpose. 

A big part of that purpose, I believe, is to provide our children with an environment where mom and dad teach them, train them, discipline them, and disciple them. 

Not be their best friend. 

The second thing is that I realized in that moment that my child was calling out for relationship with me.
Right then. At that moment. 

That calling out didn't mean that I needed to rush to him and apologize up and down and just hug him, though it's easy to think that. 

Just like we cannot be friends without parenting, we cannot parent without relationship. 

So what this moment meant was that I needed to go to him, hug him, apologize for being harsh, and then explain to him why he needed to stop jumping on me. 

I needed to restore the mother-child relationship. 

So we did that. And then I asked him to obey, and he did. 

So often, we move from one task to the next and disregard the need to repair the relationship with our children. 

I could have easily finished vacuuming, moved on to dishes, and then on to blanket time without taking a moment. 

I could have responded with my,
"We are friends, son." 

And just left it there. 

But what would that have accomplished and what would I have missed and messed? 

Don't let yourself only be a friend to your child without being their parent and don't parent your children without a healthy parent-child relationship. 

Spend time building a healthy relationship with your children even when it's easier to do the opposite. You will win their heart and will be able to turn that heart right back to Christ. 

What a beautiful thing! 

I'll be trying right along with you because heaven knows, I need to keep trying. 

Character Counts: Self-Control

I'm trying to get my big bum in gear for January. 

January officially starts our homeschool adventure. 

January? Yes, January. 

Because I'm a slacker and have 4 very small children and worked an insane amount over the summer and fall and couldn't keep my head on straight, let alone my many ducks in a row. 

Sounds like a bunch of silly excuses doesn't it? 

I know. 

It partly is. And it's partly the raw truth. 

So, since I've fallen off ... er, dropped? Yes, dropped or thrown or completely lost the proverbial ball and have not been keeping us in routine and definitely have not kept up with daily Bible time or character training ... 

I am attempting to get those all back in swing. 

Here.
Now. 

Today. 

Today we studied Self-Control and will continue to for the rest of the week. 

I get my character training tools and tips from my wonderful friend
and mentor Kim D. 

She gave me all her character tools many years ago and believe me when I say,
they are invaluable. 

So, you being able to get her book now (it wasn't available back then) is a great deal! 

You can find it here. 

There is also a tab to order it through the mail. Or if you are a local here in our frozen (or not so frozen) tundra, just e-mail me and I can hook ya up. Boom baby! 

One of our every day ways of practicing self-control is blanket time. 

Self-Control:

Controlling my actions, attitudes, and words so they do not control me. 

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty. 

Proverbs 16:32

What the Bible says about self control:

Proverbs 25:28: Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.

Galatians 5:22-23: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

2 Peter 1:5-6: For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness;

1 Thes 5:6: So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled.

1 Timothy 3:2: Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,

Titus 2:12: It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,

1 Peter 5:8: Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Thoughts on self-control: 

"As I read nearly twenty verses on self-control, I realized that self-control affects nearly every aspect of our lives. From eating to exercising, from working to entertainment, from shyness to boldness; everything is affected by our choosing to be self-controlled or self indulgence. In this world of comfort seeking and thinking we deserve the best, self-control is not honored, but God's ways are not man's ways and He highly values a man that practices self-control."

How to train your children in Self-Control: 

1) Practice sitting and not moving. Start with 15secs and slowly progress up to 5mins. 

- Leave the room but keep one eye looking. 

- Allow other children to make distractions without touching the child sitting. 

We practiced this one this morning. I had all 3 older children take a turn sitting on the chair. Then the rest of us (me included) ran around, jumped, danced, sang, yelled, whispered, talked in silly voices, and crinkled wrappers. The child in the chair had to remain sitting, paying attention to only the picture on the wall and not engaging with the others. 

2) Throughout the day have the child stop (freeze) and do it immediately. 

- May reward them at first and then just expect them to obey. 

- Goal is to stop without one more stop or them looking for reason. 

When we do this we make it fun and I let them run around and be super silly and then they need to listen for my voice very, very carefully. 

3) Eat in front of children, don't always have to let them eat what you're eating. Say no. 

4) Teach them to not ask for things that seem "normal": food at a friend's house, stickers at the Dr. office, sucker at the bank, treat from anyone, etc. Teach them that they may accept when it is offered but they are not allowed to EXPECT them. 

- Role play what is and isn't ok. 

5) Do not allow them to run in church, in parking lots, or in stores. 

- When you pull into mentioned places remind the children why they are not to run. 

6) Do not scream. Only for danger. 

7) Do not yell in anger. A quiet voice is a sign of emotions under control. 

- When child fails have them redo it correctly with self-control. 

8) Explain that some attitudes to control are: fussing (pouting), jealousy, sadness, pain, screaming, running, biting, and pinching. 

- Talk through scenarios and how they should act and how they can control themselves. 

- Teach them what TO DO, not just what not to do. 

9) When a child lacks self-control, think what does he/she hope to gain and make sure you do not give it to them. 

10) Be sure your own emotions and actions are in control when training and correcting children. Be quick to apologize and seek forgiveness when you blow it. 

11) Never change your mind if a child fusses. Tell them, "I may have reconsidered but now I can't because you fussed." OR "Because you received my 'No' with joy, I have the freedom to change my mind." 

We also make it really easy and tell them flat out: "You do not get what you fuss for."

It makes it simple and easy. 

12) Practice church, wedding, and funerals. Discuss what will be allowed and what won't. 

Tell them how to get your attention and why. Explain that we do not want to be a distraction to others and that talking, climbing, swinging legs, etc is pulling others attention away. 

Make a special way/sign for them to get your attention when in these situations and practice. 

13) Fussing sounds sour. Use a small squirt of apple cider vinegar to illustrate that they sound sour and tell them you want them to sound sweet like honey. 

14) Teach them to change their thinking, to fill their thoughts with something good. 

15) When teaching very little children "no touch" or "no throw" apply a swift sting to the hand to associate the word "no" with pain and something to stay away from. 

16) Praise, praise, praise, and praise some more when they do show self-control.

17) Prepare child for time when "everyone" else is doing something they shouldn't do. 

Ie: jumping on bed, running in church, eating treats, throwing rocks, watching certain movies. 

18) Talk about the Bible verses and how a person without self-control, (namely can control their anger) is better than the mighty! 

Everyone wants to be mighty in some way; relate to your children and how they want to be mighty and that self-control is more valuable to God then that mightyness. 

A mighty football player, a mighty soldier, a mighty pirate, a mighty dinosaur, a mighty princess, a mighty dancer.

The Wyatt Saga continues ... part 100?

Satan uses every opportunity he can. 

He's like the CEO shark of the underworld. 

He takes the little moments when we weren't watching all of our children and they creatively found something to occupy their time to pick at the wedges in our hearts and the rifts of insecurities in our mothering skills that are in our souls. 

Satan was at work in this house today,

and at work in my heart. 

While I had a productive conversation with my eldest my third child decided to creatively occupy his time with blue shampoo. 

An entire bottle of blue shampoo. 

All over the carpet. 

That's the blue shampoo. Can you see it? 

And that ^ is what happens when you try to clean it up. 

Days like toady make me question a lot of things. 

Things like:

 What is God's purpose for me in raising Super Wy?

Why do we continually go back to the same struggles?

How is it that I can be having a very fruitful conversation with one child while another is down the hall reeking all sorts of havoc? 

How is it that I can "know" the right way to do things and yet I act and react in all the wrong ways?

Where is God's joy and patience and calm when these incidents happen?

How does God continually give grace ... over and over and over ... ?
I can't even seem to muster it enough for my children. 

And this is why we are cautioned against the rulers and authorities of this world and warned that Satan is like a roaring lion, preying on us when he can. 

What a great schemer he is, using our weaknesses and our weakest moments to drive wedges between us and our Creator. 

The Creator who watches our every movement and thinks,
"I'm here, precious child. Right here. In the middle of this mess." 

Today He gently ... oh, who am I kidding? ... 

He smacked me over the head with a 2x4 and reminded me that: 

I need Him 

His life-breath, His joy, His patience, His strength, and His forgiveness

I need to be clothed in Him

He loves
He loves me. Oh, how He loves me. The depth, width, and breadth of His love are beyond all my human understanding so all I need to do is remember that I'm wrapped in it. I'm drowning in it. 

I have amazing friends. 

Friends that breathe grace into my life, reminding how God loves and forgives and wraps me in His arms 

Arms full of grace

Shampoo is really hard to get out of carpet

Seems like it should be really easy, right? It's not. 

I don't much enjoy days like today when it takes a smack in the face to be reminded of how desperately I need my Savior. It often leaves my face tear-streaked and my heart feeling a bit broken. 

But what a great relief it is to know that He picks up the pieces and bit by bit glues me back together. 

So this is life ...

da de da daaaaaa

(m hmm m hmmm)

It is what runs through my head as I take in the scene around me:

The water running in the sink, washing out a jar;

a piece of French toast cooking on the stove, with 3 more on the plate;

2 tuna sandwiches on one counter;

4 sippy cups lined up on the other counter;

I fill 3 and go to put the lemonade away only to realize that I still need that lemonade for the 4th, so I prop the fridge door open with my foot, grab the lemonade, fill that last cup, and then throw it back into the fridge.

I laugh at myself and hum.

"so this is liiiiiiiiiiiiiife"

to the tune of that Cinderella song.

I don't even know why that is the song running through my mind,

I haven't heard it in years upon years.

Bread crust in the shape of a "u"

"so this is liiiiiiiiiiife"

letter trains made out of magnets across my bedroom floor

da de da daaaaaaaa

(mm hm mm hmmmmm)

Little toes and fingers that excitedly point to the letters,

proudly proclaiming,

"E, O, R, T, A!"

none of which is correct

"so thiiiiiiiis is liiiiiiiiiiiife"

And isn't this life grand?

The Wyatt Saga ... Part III

We've had short breaks in our Wyatt saga but today brought it all back to the forefront! 

With Wyatt's curiosity and mischievousness I was confronted with my own laziness and selfishness. 

Many times, Wyatt escapes from my view when I am focused on something else:

changing another diaper

making lunch

helping Emma and George

doing laundry

etc

but today, today I was not distracted. 

I was simply sitting upstairs with the other three, not paying attention, and not desiring to investigate. 

We had two separate incidents today and both brought me face-to-face with my laziness. 

This morning Wyatt dumped out a mocha that was left in the fridge and then emptied the 1/4 gallon of iced tea that was also in the fridge. 

Of course, he dumped them on the carpet! 

I cringed and screamed on the inside. I cried on the outside. 

Later, just before lunch Wyatt went downstairs before the rest of us. The older two followed him shortly and I lingered upstairs for just a few minutes. Why? I don't even remember! 

Well, he decided he wanted eggs.

I think he ended up breaking 6 or 7 eggs total. 

And I cried again. 

Partly because I am so overtired, running on 4 hours of sleep, partly because I spent more money on those specific eggs than we usually do (they're cage-free, organic), and partly because I knew it was just a result of me not being present with the children today. 

And I am reminded once again that I need the Lord. 

I need His joy. 

I need His sustenance. 

Heaven knows, I cannot do it on my own.

Today seems like such a silly little thing to fall apart about, but I was gone. Pieces all over the place. 

Because I'm at my breaking point, at least momentarily. 

I know my moments of frustration and brokenness are not any less than any one else's, no matter the struggle, but I do have to laugh at myself thinking of how little this seems!

But ... 

HE is all powerful. He is all knowing. He is all seeing. 

He knows my every ache - emotional and physical. 

He knows my pain. 

He knows that I'm reaching that breaking point. 

And He wants me to break into Him. To fall into His arms.

I am reminded to:

Let His strength surround me and wrap me up completely.
To remember that the JOY of the Lord is my strength. 

We get strength from the joy of the Lord, not the other way around.
So often I think, "God just give me strength." But that's backwards according to the Word. 

God wants to fill us with joy, He wants us to seek His joy and when we do, He uses that joy to give us strength.

Am I spending time with Him? 

Am I pausing through out your day to dwell on His words, His truths, His promises? 

Are you?

Just set your Bible on the counter, open to Psalms, and whenever you're there pause and read a couple verses.
And when you do, breathe a breath prayer out to Him:
"Lord, give me Your joy."
"Lord, heal my home."
"Lord, be my strength."

And now I need to do what I tell others to do. 

The Wyatt Saga ... Part II

Wyatt's antics have been ... less than desired lately. 

You can catch up on a recent day HERE. 

That ^ was last Friday. 

Monday was filled with purple kool-aid. 

All over my couch cushions and carpet.

Tuesday. Well, this way Tuesday:

Wyatt spent the morning in the kitchen with me, "helping" me chop all the vegetables for the chicken noodle soup and put it all together in the crockpot. 

Then we all sat and read and did some stickers. 

Then we headed upstairs. 

Emma was getting ready to take a shower, George was in his room, and I was changing Clara's diaper for her nap. I thought that Wyatt had gone with George and was playing. 

Boy was I wrong.

So v e r y wrong. 

I found this when I went downstairs, realizing he was NOT in George's room. 

This probably goes without saying but I think I was downstairs in .2 seconds. 

I had no words. 

Then I looked to the left. 

And to the right. 

No words. 

And yes, that's my couch cushion ... without its cover ... because the cover was in the wash from the day before when it was saturated with purple kool-aid. 

At this point I believe I picked Wyatt up and just said over and over, "No.No.No.No.No." 

It was my mantra as I walked him back upstairs and plopped him into his room. 

There may have been an initial, "SON!"

(As in my son, not the other son you're thinking!)

So my living room is painted, quite creatively, with coffee. 

You may be wondering how he achieved such streaks and dots ... 

he took a wipe and soaked it in the coffee and proceeded to whip it around to make all the fanciful decorations! 

And as my friend was helping me stay positive she said, "I bet it smells GREAT!" 

It did. Lol. 

Today, I can chuckle to myself. 

Although yesterday there were expletives running through my thoughts. 

::shameface::

And then embarrassment in realizing that if you don't know me very well and only see these little snippets, you may very well think I'm never watching him and never disciplining him. 

I don't know if it bugs me more that someone may think that or that I AM doing those things and these are frequent occurrences in our home!

They'll make hilarious stories to tell his future wife, that's for sure. 

And on a completely related note, I HATE FLAT PAINT. 

Random Rambling Thoughts

Random thoughts that I need to ponder more on or pray through over the coming days, weeks, and months:

- I do not necessarily have the time that it is going to take to develop my photography and my business the way that I want to. Having 4 children under the age of 4 is an all-consuming job. And I've realized that lately my mothering has taken a hit - not because of photogrpahy but because of life. Mothering is supposed to be my number one, top priority and if that comes in the way of my photography and moving things forward the way *I* want to, then so-be-it. That's how it SHOULD be. 

- On the same thought train - I need to work while I mother, not mother while I work. And yes, there is a HUGE difference - one that I have noticed has seeped into my daily life. I'm not ok with that and I need to nip it in the bud. 

- Also along that same thought train, I do not have the time I need to learn the new crafts that I so desire to learn like knitting and sewing. I can learn more about knitting but it's just going to be more slow-going than I hoped. For example - I had hoped to have 4 matching winter hats knit for my children two months ago ... and I haven't even started them! It's ok if I'm not a great knitter this year or even next - I just hope to be able to do it with my girls within the next few years. And the sewing ... who knows if we'll ever accomplish that.

- While it will always be my goal to honor the Lord and be a Proverbs 31 woman I need to be much more realistic with my goals, ambitions, and expectations! I am not going to be able to knit and sew (therefore clothing my family) or get my photography business up and running with huge success (taking a field and turning a profit) or live every day with a smile on my face (laughing at what's to come) in ONE day. It's going to take TIME. Much more time. And I need to be ok with that, because God is ok with that. 

- I spend far too much time on the computer and in front of the TV. Which affects my effectiveness in the above areas. I find myself sitting in front of the computer when room time/blanket time/table time roll around instead of accomplishing things I should be accomplishing - laundry, dishes, dinner prep, Bible time, character training, etc. While I have more recently tapped the internet for it's knowledge on cloth diapering, healthier eating, and delaying vaccinations, I have been known to spend more time surfing Etsy, ebay, and Facebook. The same is true for nap time. 

In fact, here I sit, typing this while I have 3 loads of laundry that need to be folded and put away and another load that needs to go into the wash and another into the dryer. My kitchen could stand to be picked up and wiped down and my house could use some organizing. Seriously! 

But, I praise God for my husband - who is helpful and doesn't care if all the dishes are done or dinner's on the table at precisely 6pm and I praise God that He knows me, my heart, and my intentions. He knows my struggles and better yet, He UNDERSTANDS my struggles! He can look at me in my hard moments when all I have to give Him is a 2x2 section of "clean" floor in my living room and rejoice that I'm striving to serve Him - and that makes it all worth it!

Mothering Moments: Why Not Timeouts?

So, I know that many, many people today use timeouts as their primary disciplinary action, but we do not. There's been questions posed as to why we don't use timeouts, so I thought I would answer that question quickly today.
Plus, being forced to sit more than normal forces you to find ways to occupy your time. I can only sleep so much in one day!

No Timeouts
Basically, it comes down to a pretty simple concept. When your child disobeys, acts out, talks back, or does something else to make your innards cringe repeatedly and you place them in a timeout, separating them from yourself, you are communicating that if they displease you they cannot stay in your presence. Saying that, "if your actions are not appropriate then you cannot be in my presence."
Basically telling them that they have to perform a certain way to stay in your presence.

We feel like that is a poor representation of God because God does not deal with us that way when we disobey Him. He does not remove us from His presence until we finally get it right, He gives us consequences but continues to love us and allows us to remain in His presence despite our disobedient actions.

So, we choose to discipline differently!

Mothering Moments: Personal Thoughts on Purposeful Parenting

A while back I had the opportunity to share some of my thoughts on mothering and parenting with other women and I was going through my notes just the other day and thought it would be good to share them again. This is really more for my benefit than for anyone else's! I've been struggling with motherhood lately and going through some of my own written convictions is good for me and helping to refocus my mindset.

When I shared these thoughts previously I was asked a few questions so I will include those as well.

What would you have like to have known going into mothering/parenting?
The biggest thing that I feel like God has shown me over the last few years that I wish I would have fully grasped and understood beforehand is:
That if God has given you a child then He meant for you to be a mother. No matter what the circumstances were that brought that child into being. If you have a child you ARE a mother and He CHOSE for you to be a mother.
And if God has chosen to make you a mother, which He has, then He has also equipped you with all of the necessary tools to be the kind of mom that He wants you to be. Not the mom the world wants you to be. Not the mom your friends want you to be. But the mom that God wants you to be!

The world and people around us will cheapen the role of being a mother. They will make it seem less than par and "ho-hum" but that is not what God thinks about being a mother.
Titus 2:4 talks about how we are called to love our husbands, love our children, to be self-controlled and pure, and to be busy at home.
- Home is where you as a mother will have the best and greatest impact.
- Remember that even when people pull and persuade you that things outside of the home are more important, your greatest and most important impact will only be made at home.

What are some things you felt were good to know going into mothering?
1) Consistency is key.
No, we’re not always consistent! But we have been able to witness the effectiveness of continual consistency and we have also seen the effects of discipline that is not consistent. Families we watched that made a purpose to be consistent now have children that need less correction, are respectful, live out the character qualities that their parents were consistent with teaching. The families that we have seen live more in the moment of discipline now have children who throw tantrums (at 11 years old), fight every parental authoritative decision, whine, argue, and show disrespect to the extent of screaming at their parents.

2) You need to have their hearts.
We have been told this important truth over and over since we first got married. If you want to have an impact on your children you have to capture their hearts. It's hard to gauge whether or not you have your child's heart but there are a couple things you can do that can help you determine if you do or not.
- If you are speaking to your child and they continually look away from you and you need to hold their little cheeks just to get them to look at you and even then they're still looking away with their eyes - that may be a sign you do not have their heart yet.
- If you tell your child to do something or you tell them no to something they ask for and they respond cheerfully, "Ok mom!" That may be a good indicator that you do have their heart.
- To really gain your child's heart you need to give them yours. As mothers it easy to think that that comes automatically, but it may not. You need to be investing yourself and your heart into them. And the best and most beneficial way to do that is by giving your time. Start by giving them large quantities of your time because quantity time turns into quality with your children.

3) Routine, routine, routine.
In our home we have Blanket Time, Room Time, Table Time, Bible Time, etc. I was fortunate enough to witness the power of routine in a couple of families when I was younger. These times give our days purpose and structure. They also help my children to know what to expect and that gives them stability and security. Ex: Emma asking to have blanket time and room time and Bible time! She will ask if I have not included them in our day. The kids also do so much better when we have these times implemented into our days. They thrive knowing what to expect at what time each day. Things run so much more smoothly when we have structure in our days.

What keeps you going? How you overcome when you feel like quitting?
Being a mother is hard work. The hardest job that you will ever have! And because of the daily repetitive nature and sometimes tedious work of mothering it is important to figure out a few things that help to lift up your spirit when the days get too long, too hard, and too exhausting. For me those things are:

- Getting up early to exercise. Exercise keeps me energized for the day and heals my body. I do a workout that only takes 20-25 minutes but helps my back and gets me moving!

- Daily Quiet Time. After I exercise I take 30-60 minutes and spend time in the Word. Before doing this my days were more filled with frustration and anger and bitterness. I would be more inclined to yell at my children and my fuse was extremely short. Not to say that there still aren’t days where I struggle with all of that but if I get in the Word before the kids are awake those things are less likely to be “normal.” There has been nothing that has affected my mood for the day more than my time with God in the mornings. Now, you NEED to find time to do this! Before I started consistently doing it in the mornings I would just say, “Oh, I’ll do it whenever I have time.” And that quickly turns into “I don’t have time right now; I’ll do it when they have Room Time.” And that would turn into, “I have to do other things right now, I’ll do it during nap time.” And then when nap time rolled around I would have other things to accomplish or get ready and so I would say, “Well, I can just do it before I go to sleep.” Well, most days with 3 children under 3 I would be asleep before I hit the pillow!

- Nap Time! Or Quiet Time if you have older children. And make sure that you aren’t spending your nap time cleaning! (That’s something K--- told me once.) Have your children clean up before they go down for their naps or their quiet times and then use that time to refuel. I get a couple things done during nap time that are necessary – maybe getting dinner in the crockpot or putting the laundry in the dryer, and then I take the remaining time to rest so that I can be energized and ready for the rest of the evening when my husband is home.

- Time away. Whether that is a conference on mothering, church event (Band of Mothers), coffee with a friend, read a book that encourages your goals in parenting, etc. Just make sure that you’re doing something that is going to encourage you in your purpose and drive as a mother!

Example: I recently e-mailed K--- because I had been a having a string of discouraging weeks as a mom. I was endlessly frustrated with Emma and just exhausted of the duty that being a mom includes. She e-mailed me back with the exact encouragement I just told you: and said, “Do whatever it takes to be encouraged in mothering!” So, I took her advice and asked my husband if I could go to Band of Mothers at our church, which is a group of mothers that meets one Monday each month for 2 or so hours. I was able to go and it was EXACTLY what I needed! It was all about disciplining and having your children’s hearts.

- Seeing people who have come out the other side! Get in touch with someone who has already been through the stages your children are currently going through and bend your ear to their wisdom.

How did we get a vision for raising your children on purpose?

Mike and I always had ideas about what we wanted from our children and our parenting. The things that first took us there were being in contact with a couple very real, very Godly families whose children exampled the same things we wanted to instill in our children. I was very fortunate to be closely connected with the D family for a number of years before I was married and before we had any children and because of that influence I learned a lot about the greatness that your children have within them because of the power of Christ.

I learned that the “norm” today is NOT the norm that God has for my children. And I was able to see a very real example of the success of consistent, purposed parenting.

If you think that that’s just not reality for you and your spouse and your children – you are wrong and you are believing a lie!

Satan definitely wants you to think that all your family can achieve is the world’s definition of “normal” and great.

But God has a far greater purpose for your family and you as a mother. Our children can become far more than we ever imagined if we are willing to parent with God’s purpose and will.

- One thing that Mike and I did on the encouragement from Premeditated Parenting by Steve and Kathy Nelson was to make a list of the qualities that we want our children to example when they are teenagers. That list is: Knowledge and belief of the Word of God, a personal relationship with Christ, Self-Control, Honesty, Responsibility, Integrity, Honor, Courage (to do what is right), Know that your word is gold (when they give people their word something will get done), Honesty, Strong Faith, Self sufficiency -to know that they can truly do anything in this world if they work hard and aren't scared to take chances, Good Work Ethic, Modesty, Purity …

- Being involved in a church that has a vision for families. It’s important to have people around you who will support and encourage what you are doing in your parenting. Not that you won’t meet people in your church that have a different vision or disagree with you, but you want the leaders of your church to have families that example the same things you want in your children eventually or will at least encourage you with your parenting goals.

- Our Vision: To raise kids who are strong in faith, self sufficient, honorable and then some. Our family should be an example to others as well as selfless. Our purpose is and always remains to love the Lord and to love others.

How do you and your husband communicate about parenting?

- Email.

- Dates.

- Talking – whenever we get the chance.

Example: a lot of times we talk on the way to church in the car because it's uninterupted time!

Example: a way to not react when your husband wants to make a change in the way you guys discipline. If you bring up something or he brings up something and either he doesn't agree with you or wants to change something you are doing - do not just say, “Oh, okay.” Even if you’re like me and need time to process through changes your response still needs to be encouraging and supportive, “That’s a good idea. Can we talk about that more later?” That way I have time to think and process and he knows that I still honor and respect his decisions.

If you guys are not on the same page start with sharing with him what you do with the children during the day. Explain the details of how you discipline and what situations get what type of discipline. Then allow your husband to change, alter, or modify the way that you do things. It is far more important for you and your husband to be disciplining the same way than it is for you to be “right” about the discipline.