Character Counts: Self-Control

I'm trying to get my big bum in gear for January. 

January officially starts our homeschool adventure. 

January? Yes, January. 

Because I'm a slacker and have 4 very small children and worked an insane amount over the summer and fall and couldn't keep my head on straight, let alone my many ducks in a row. 

Sounds like a bunch of silly excuses doesn't it? 

I know. 

It partly is. And it's partly the raw truth. 

So, since I've fallen off ... er, dropped? Yes, dropped or thrown or completely lost the proverbial ball and have not been keeping us in routine and definitely have not kept up with daily Bible time or character training ... 

I am attempting to get those all back in swing. 

Here.
Now. 

Today. 

Today we studied Self-Control and will continue to for the rest of the week. 

I get my character training tools and tips from my wonderful friend
and mentor Kim D. 

She gave me all her character tools many years ago and believe me when I say,
they are invaluable. 

So, you being able to get her book now (it wasn't available back then) is a great deal! 

You can find it here. 

There is also a tab to order it through the mail. Or if you are a local here in our frozen (or not so frozen) tundra, just e-mail me and I can hook ya up. Boom baby! 

One of our every day ways of practicing self-control is blanket time. 

Self-Control:

Controlling my actions, attitudes, and words so they do not control me. 

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty. 

Proverbs 16:32

What the Bible says about self control:

Proverbs 25:28: Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.

Galatians 5:22-23: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

2 Peter 1:5-6: For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness;

1 Thes 5:6: So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled.

1 Timothy 3:2: Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,

Titus 2:12: It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,

1 Peter 5:8: Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Thoughts on self-control: 

"As I read nearly twenty verses on self-control, I realized that self-control affects nearly every aspect of our lives. From eating to exercising, from working to entertainment, from shyness to boldness; everything is affected by our choosing to be self-controlled or self indulgence. In this world of comfort seeking and thinking we deserve the best, self-control is not honored, but God's ways are not man's ways and He highly values a man that practices self-control."

How to train your children in Self-Control: 

1) Practice sitting and not moving. Start with 15secs and slowly progress up to 5mins. 

- Leave the room but keep one eye looking. 

- Allow other children to make distractions without touching the child sitting. 

We practiced this one this morning. I had all 3 older children take a turn sitting on the chair. Then the rest of us (me included) ran around, jumped, danced, sang, yelled, whispered, talked in silly voices, and crinkled wrappers. The child in the chair had to remain sitting, paying attention to only the picture on the wall and not engaging with the others. 

2) Throughout the day have the child stop (freeze) and do it immediately. 

- May reward them at first and then just expect them to obey. 

- Goal is to stop without one more stop or them looking for reason. 

When we do this we make it fun and I let them run around and be super silly and then they need to listen for my voice very, very carefully. 

3) Eat in front of children, don't always have to let them eat what you're eating. Say no. 

4) Teach them to not ask for things that seem "normal": food at a friend's house, stickers at the Dr. office, sucker at the bank, treat from anyone, etc. Teach them that they may accept when it is offered but they are not allowed to EXPECT them. 

- Role play what is and isn't ok. 

5) Do not allow them to run in church, in parking lots, or in stores. 

- When you pull into mentioned places remind the children why they are not to run. 

6) Do not scream. Only for danger. 

7) Do not yell in anger. A quiet voice is a sign of emotions under control. 

- When child fails have them redo it correctly with self-control. 

8) Explain that some attitudes to control are: fussing (pouting), jealousy, sadness, pain, screaming, running, biting, and pinching. 

- Talk through scenarios and how they should act and how they can control themselves. 

- Teach them what TO DO, not just what not to do. 

9) When a child lacks self-control, think what does he/she hope to gain and make sure you do not give it to them. 

10) Be sure your own emotions and actions are in control when training and correcting children. Be quick to apologize and seek forgiveness when you blow it. 

11) Never change your mind if a child fusses. Tell them, "I may have reconsidered but now I can't because you fussed." OR "Because you received my 'No' with joy, I have the freedom to change my mind." 

We also make it really easy and tell them flat out: "You do not get what you fuss for."

It makes it simple and easy. 

12) Practice church, wedding, and funerals. Discuss what will be allowed and what won't. 

Tell them how to get your attention and why. Explain that we do not want to be a distraction to others and that talking, climbing, swinging legs, etc is pulling others attention away. 

Make a special way/sign for them to get your attention when in these situations and practice. 

13) Fussing sounds sour. Use a small squirt of apple cider vinegar to illustrate that they sound sour and tell them you want them to sound sweet like honey. 

14) Teach them to change their thinking, to fill their thoughts with something good. 

15) When teaching very little children "no touch" or "no throw" apply a swift sting to the hand to associate the word "no" with pain and something to stay away from. 

16) Praise, praise, praise, and praise some more when they do show self-control.

17) Prepare child for time when "everyone" else is doing something they shouldn't do. 

Ie: jumping on bed, running in church, eating treats, throwing rocks, watching certain movies. 

18) Talk about the Bible verses and how a person without self-control, (namely can control their anger) is better than the mighty! 

Everyone wants to be mighty in some way; relate to your children and how they want to be mighty and that self-control is more valuable to God then that mightyness. 

A mighty football player, a mighty soldier, a mighty pirate, a mighty dinosaur, a mighty princess, a mighty dancer.

I live for little moments ... like this ...

I've had this blog post in my head since Wednesday but sickness hit us and I have been washing sheets and blankets non-stop since Tuesday morning. 

It is now Friday morning and I put load 11 in the washer an hour ago. 

I still have 3 to go ... 

So, I'm taking a break while the children do room time and blanket time to work on some pictures and get this blog out of my head and into cyber space. 

Wednesday. 

Wednesday was a great day. 

Seriously!

The funny thing?

There was nothing at all spectacular about it, it was just ... normal.

Clara cut a tooth, threw up because of it, so I washed all her bedding. 

Then during her morning nap she had diarrhea that leaked and I had to wash all her bedding again. 

This in addition to the 3 washes from Tuesday!

She got 2 baths and was all the rage in her penguin towel - blowing bubbles and toddling around. 

Because she toddles now. 

She's not a baby. She's a toddler. 

Which I will never utter aloud. I will forever be in denial. 

Emma and I made 2 loaves of bread (sweet bread and English muffin bread) but for a good part of the time she just watched over the other 3 - playing but also helping and I loved it.

And when she was helping me with the bread, the boys were being adorable! They were playing really well together and recreating Toy Story with their Buzz and Woody toys. 

My children often rock the "no-pants" look, in case you were wondering. 

For whatever reason I just loved it. I felt refreshed and encouraged and thankful. So very thankful. 

And Clara ... she just warms my heart. 

Her little toddle is adorable and her little butt that sticks out - especially when she's wearing cloth. 

And she got new jammies that just make her that much MORE adorable! 

See that butt? See what I mean? 

She's rocking John Deere jammies AND holding a tractor. Daddy is SO proud. 

Maybe she'll marry a farmer. 

Kassi, is Callen going to be a farmer? Lol. 

Oh, I can't handle the cuteness any more. 

* * * 

Then later tonight when I was finishing the dinner dishes Emma was making coffee for everyone (pretend of course) and gave me a cup and Wyatt a cup. 
Wyatt looked up at me and says, "I can drink da coffee mama?" And while it seems so litte, I think it's incredibly adorable and fruitful that he actually ASKED me for permission to drink the coffee. 
So many times their little wills (especially that 2-3 year time when they push as hard as they can) just rear and they don't seem to care what you think or what you want them to do. 

Why does that even matter?

The truth? It matters far more than we like to think. 

It shows submission to authority.

It shows that he is under my authority and at that moment he was content and happy to be under my authority. 

And if I want to make ANY difference in his heart and his life, he HAS to be under my authority. 

Not being under authority breeds selfishness, rebellion, discontent, and hard-heartedness. 

In that moment, he was cheerfully submissive to my authority. 

If I want to hold his heart, I have to be his authority. 

He has to know that he answers to me, that I answer to Daddy, and that Daddy answers to Christ. 

Build this in your children and you will win.

What a wonderful thing to see in my nearly 3 year old! 

THAT is why it so blessed my heart to hear him ask for permission. 

So, despite the insane amount of laundry I have been doing, I know I am blessed. 

While I may have lost sight of that a bit last night, 

I am daily reminded that 

God is good 

and 

I AM blessed. 

Character Counts: Respect

Last week and this week we have been reviewing respect during our Bible Time. Now, I've been lax in having Bible Time, so it hasn't been everyday like I want it to be but, we're working on it!
Emma has been struggling with respect lately - respect for God, respect for daddy, and respect for things so I thought it was time we went back and reviewed. These are all things I learned from other mothers, one in particular.

Respect:
Honoring others with my action, my words, and good manners.

"Show proper respect to everyone." - 1 Peter 2:17

During our Bible Times I say, "What is respect?" Emma answers, "Honoring others with my actions, my words, and good manners." I do hand actions to help her remember - "my actions" is I hold out my hands and shake them, "my words" I point to my mouth, and "good manners" I take my hands and fold them in my lap.
Then I say the first word of the verse, "show" and Emma says the rest of the verse. Even George can now say this whole verse! (Yes, it's possible at 2 1/2!)

Then we talk about who we respect and how.
We respect God. We respect Him by: being quiet when others are praying, obeying and honoring His word - the Bible, and honoring others the way He tells us to - loving them and also obeying those He has placed in authority over us. For the kids, obviously that means mom and dad and any other caretakers.

We respect dad and mom. We respect them by: answering them correctly and cheerfully. When daddy says, "Emma." Emma says, "Yes daddy."
When mommy says, "Emma come." Emma says, "Coming mommy."
When daddy says, "No." You say, "Ok daddy" cheerfully.
When mommy says, "Please _______," You say, "Yes ma'am."
We also respect daddy and mommy by looking them in the eyes and listening completely.
We respect dad and mom by obeying them - quickly, completely, and cheerfully.

We respect our brothers/sisters. We respect them by: loving them and treating them the way the Lord wants us to. Kindly, with love, thinking of them before ourselves.
We respect those who are not our siblings the exact same way.

We respect our property. We respect this by: treating our things with care and concern. We also take care of others' things the same way with care and concern. If we borrow something we return in it the same, if not better, care that it was in when we received it. We care for our things to make them last as long as possible.

What Does the Bible Say About Respect?
"Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the LORD.
Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart.
They do nothing wrong; they walk in his ways.
You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed.
Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees!
Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands.
I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws.
I will obey your decrees; do not utterly forsake me." -Psalm 119:1-8

*Vs. 6 literally, "respect unto all Thy commandments". In other words, respect for God's commands is number one - we must honor God by our actions, by taking His commands seriously.

Respect is interchangeable with honor in the Bible; here are some verses on who to respect:

Everyone: "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." -Romans 12:10
Parents: "'Honor your father and mother'- which is the first commandment with a promise- 'that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth.'" -Ephesians 6:2-3
Husband: "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." -Ephesians 5:33
Employer: "All who are under the yoke of slavery should consider their masters worthy of full respect, so that God's name and our teaching may not be slandered." -I Timothy 6:1
Everyone; King/Leader: "Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the King." -I Peter 2:17
Elders: "Rise in the presence of the aged, sho respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the Lord." -Leviticus 19:32

Thoughts On Respect:
Respect is God's way, yet respect is almost unheard of these days as everyone looks out for their own self interest. In previous generations respect was normal and expected, but not any more. Now we have to purpose to teach our children to be respectful and have to undo what they learn from their peers and others. God commands children to honor (respect) their parents, so out of obedience to God we must demand it from them.
Pray: That we will live and speak respectfully before our children and they will be respectful.

If you are married, one of the best ways that you can teach your child about God honoring respect is to honor your husband.
This morning, for me, was a great example of how not to do that! Mike snapped at Emma and I quickly chastised him in front of her for snapping and told him to walk away and take a break. That does not teach my children how to respect the authority above them.
If I teach my children that the husband is the head of the wife and Christ is the head of the husband - which I do - then my actions this morning were contrary to that teaching!

How Do We Create Respect in Our Children?
1) Use people's names - on the way to an event/function practice the names of the people you will be seeing there, or at least the key people. Example: Sunday School teacher.

2) Shake a person's hand - firmly - when meeting them and repeat their name back to them. Practice hand shakes and repeating names at home.

3) Teach your children to not cause fear to the elderly by running or playing roughly too close to others. Examples: running at church - others get nervous when little ones are running, and may be holding drinks that could spill if they get hit. Running in parking lots - people will be fearful if they see a child jet out into the lot and we do not want to cause fear to others. Same with streets and stores.

4) Hold the door for people - especially boys. Teach boys that "gentlemen" always let girls go first.

5) Look at people's eyes when you talk to them. Practice this at home - in conversation and with staring games.

6) Stand to meet your company. Whenever someone comes to the house stop what you are doing and greet them kindly and enthusiastically.

7) Smile! Have your children make different facial expressions for different emotions - fear, anger, sadness, jealousy, happiness. Then ask - which one feels the best? Worst? Etc.

8) Use Mr. and Mrs.

9) Be a good winner and a good loser.

10) Do not brag. Let other people praise you, do not praise yourself. Proverbs 27:2

11) Teach them to thank all service members and anyone that does something for them.

12) Teach them table manners. Sharing a meal should be an enjoyable experience and children can enhance our hospitality.

13) Answer when spoken to. "Yes, mom." "Yes ma'am." "Yes sir." Etc. Acknowledge others when they speak to you.

Songs we sing for respect:
Super Manners, to the tune of "I'm a Little Teapot"
I have super manners
Yes I do
I can say "please" and "thank you" too
When I play with friends, I like to share.
That's the way I show I care.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to Thee,
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, that's what He wants from me!

Example Manners/Rules:
At Church:
Do not run
Look people in the eye
Talk loud enough to be heard
No baby talk
Have a firm handshake
Use people's names with Mr. and Mrs.
SMILE
Obey your parents and teachers
Be a helper (go out of your way to help others)
Introduce yourself to children you do not know
Boys - hold the door for others

At Home Meals:
-Wash your hands and tidy your appearance before coming to the table.
-When praying, close your eyes and bow your head. Hold your hands still, without playing.
-After helping yourself to food, pass it on to your left.
-Take turns speaking. Talk about pleasant things, and do not interrupt others.
-Do not grumble or complain about the food.
-Chew your food quietly, with your mouth closed.
-Do not overload your mouth, or talk with your mouth full.
-Do not drink with food in your mouth. (Sounds funny, but is gross when you have a cup of water/liquid mixed with bits of food.)
-Stay at the table until everyone is finished and has been excused.