Lost in Loneliness

Standing on the brink of a rust colored abyss seeing above you a vast expanse of blue, below you straight rust walls that drop parallel, sharply crashing into one another miles beneath. 

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You hear rippling in your ear as the warm water washes over your body. 

Your hair swishes back and forth and the smell of salt tickles your nose. 

You are caught up, the boundless sea surrounds you and engulfs you in its emptiness. 

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.

Your hair gets whipped by the crisp wind as your cheeks blush a soft shade of rose. 

You look out ahead of you and breathe in the essence of leaves, they've left their aroma all around. 

The snow laced road reaches out before you. 

Long. Winding. Desolate. 

Empty. 

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When life wraps you up in an empty hold, void of energy, of warmth, of breath, 

of life.

I find it hard to catch my breath. 

Hard to look beyond myself. 

My voice is booming within me but nothing resounds on the outside. 

I know this isn't the truth. 

I know His words pierce this place I've found myself in. 

But I can't see His light. 

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I reach. 

I dig. 

I claw. 

I strain.

He whispers ... 

I am with you

always

I never leave

never

I never forsake

never

Come to Me

rest

You are My treasured possession

forever

I breathe. 

I listen.

I inhale His presence.

He fills me. 

And I pray,

Lord, meet me here tomorrow ... please. 

Purpose

LORD,
You have assigned me my portion and my cup;
You have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me.
Because He is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore, my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body will also rest secure,
because You will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will You let Your Holy One decay.
You have made known to me the path of life;
You fill me with joy in Your presence,
with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.
Psalm 16:3-11

Not where my heart is at all times but where I so desire to be.

CONTINUE to Stand Fast ... an unenthusiastic ooohrah ...

We are unfortunately still waiting to hear about the job with the church. It's mainly my fault because I misunderstood what Mike told me about when they would be contacting him with the answer. I guess they told him that they would have the decision "the 3rd week of April." Which is, of course, anytime this week. I thought that Mike told me they would contacting him today, the 18th, at the latest. So, if you were one of the many that thought we would find out today - I apologize! I misunderstood and unfortunately mislead many of you.
Although I don't enjoy the, what feels like, endless wait I know that God is using it to grow me. It seems like patience with answered prayers is a continual area of growth for me. So needless to say, I feel like God is calling me to continue to stand fast and simply trust Him.

"However, whether I choose to believe it or not, if I am His child, the Truth is that 'His grace is sufficient for me.' (This is assuming, of course, that I haven't taken on myself responsibilities He never intended me to carry. If the burden is God-given, I can go on by His grace.) His grace is sufficient for every moment, every circumstance, every detail, every need, and every failure of my life.
. . .
What do you need God's grace for?"
-The Lies Women Believe-

This is my book study book and what I've been reading about this week. We have been talking about circumstances and the lies that we tend to believe about our circumstances. This chapter has come at a really good time for me. Part of me didn't want to read it because I knew that I needed to. With everything that's been going on with Mike's job situation and our house situation and the wait with the church job - I needed to read this chapter. It's been really easy for me to examine our circumstances and let them determine my mood, my attitude, and my responses. But God's been quietly showing me how I can't base the way that I think and act on our circumstances. I can feel the emotion of them but I can't act on those emotions, at least not all the time. This weekend God met me in my quiet times and gave me His unending peace. Peace with where we are going to live, even though we haven't signed a lease anywhere. Peace with Mike's job situation. And peace with the church job situation, even though we haven't gotten an answer yet. I don't feel this peace every moment or even every day ... but I know He has it waiting for me and all I have to do is take a hold of it and trust Him.

As far as the quote goes - it's what stood out to me yesterday as I was reading. That as long as I take up what God has given me, and not extra, He will continue to give me the grace to go on.

PS we've got some new pictures on the Slide - so take a look!

Liberty

Then Jesus showed up
Said "Before we go"
"I thought that we might reminisce"
"See one night in your life"
"When you turned out the light"
"You asked for and prayed for my forgiveness"

You cried wolf
The tears they soaked your fur
The blood dripped from your fangs
You said, "What have I done?"
You loved that lamb
With every sinful bone
And there you wept alone
Your heart was so contrite

You said, "Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes
Sanctify this withered heart of mine
Stay with me until my life is through
And on that day please take me home with you"
Relient K*Deathbed*Five Score and Seven Years Ago

I am that wolf, you are that wolf, and it was I that killed that precious Savior of mine. My hands are stained with His blood and yet He washes them clean continually. Though I try, each day they are stained once more and no day here will they ever be pure. But thankfully, His stay in my heart is for forevermore and I am able to start and end each day anew. My soul praises His decision for death and even more, His purpose to rise on this day some thousand years past. For in His death we we find freedom and forgiveness, but in His life after that death we find meaning and purpose. For His rising changes everything. Thank You, my Lord, my Savior, my God.